My old Advertisements for posterity and safe keeping

My old ads from 2019, was fun to write them so i figured I archive them here.

Company Codes for reference:
$SINC = Slomes Inc. (Slomes)
$VAM = vroomfondel and majikthise (mhk)
$COV = Combustible Overgrowth (Ardis)

Quinten Essentials Expansion Line:

INF: Maddie Emmsworth, Settler on a frozen planet. After a long day of work, she likes to sit in her living quarters at comfortable room temperature, a deadly blizzard raging outside at -200°C. $SINC InsuFoam, stay warm out there. Quinten Essentials, Expansion Line.

HSE: John Walkins, Pioneer on a high pressure planet. While passing through the airlock and towards his workplace, he can’t help but marvel at the HSE that keep the hostile outside atmosphere at bay. $SINC Hardened Structural Elements, sturdy and reliable. Quinten Essentials, Expansion Line.

SEA: Zoya Vasilyev, a Miner on Ice Station Alpha. She enters the habitation unit and takes off her Atmosuit. Taking a deep breath of air she fills her lungs to the brim, made possible by SEA, which keeps the precious O2 from leaking into the void of space. (Company Name) Poly-Sulfite Sealant, nothing slips through. Quinten Essentials, Expansion Line.

TSH: Ryozo Lee, Scientist, is working dilligently to develop the Materials of the Future. He is residing on SW-926a, the closest planet orbiting the Sun of Oersted. At 194°C, it is a place as hostile as it gets, but also undisturbed. His stay is made possible by state of the art TSH, actively cooled heat deflecting modules that shield the whole base. $VAM Thermal Shielding, stay coolheaded. Quinten Essentials, Expansion Line.

BL: Eduardo Jackson, Technician. He prepares for routine maintenance on the outside of the Base Structure. Donning his suit, he moves over to the LSLDU, the Lung Stabilizing Liquid Dispenser Unit. The procedure is a bit uncomfortable, but he is already used to it by now. He takes place in the seat, and a robotic unit transfxes his head, proceeding to connect a tube to his windpipe. Shortly after, the Breathable Liquid pours out, filling his lungs, and deplacing the Oxygen inside. He finishes the procedure, and steps outside into the planets crushing atmosphere to do his work. $VAM Breathable Liquid, a fullfilling experience. Quinten Essentials, Expansion Line.


RSH: Did you know that space is full of dangerous radiation, harmful to the human body? After finding out about it, our best engineers quickly got to work on a countermeasure. Using the highly advanced material Tantalum, they started tinkering around…and what do you know, they did it! Fresh off the factory lines we present you with…$VAM Radiation Shielding! Quinten Essentials, just because we can.

ALE: “Here at the Quinten Essentials brewing factory, run by $VAM, we have decided to produce something more…luxurious.” Facility overseer starts walking you through the factory for a tour. " What makes our product so special is that we use only the finest ingredients from all over the universe. We use the best Promitian Grain, our flowery Hops are handpicked on our Katoan Orchards, and finally, we use the famous crystal clear water of Etherwind, which is also where we ferment our ingredients. All of this to bring you the finest alcoholic beverage available on the intergalactic market. Etherwind Pale ALE." Quinten Essentials, Sustenance Line.

Ratman legend snippet: Katoa, 2-3 weeks ago. Forgotten by big Farma, the inhabitants of the Castillo-Ito sector were starving. Rations were tough to come by and sold at exorbitant prices. John Malcovich, single father is carrying his son, while walking through the habitation district. “Dad, im so hungry.” “Don’t worry son, Daddy is going to get us something nice to eat soon. Hey, why don’t we visit Aunt Marie in District 8? She would love to play with you. Daddy will have to go to work soon to make money.” “Yay, Aunt Marie!” The child rejoiced, albeit weakened from the malnourishment. As they walked towards District 8, a shadow cast over them. They looked up. It was a ship, bearing the markings of $COV, QWNE. “Who is that, daddy?” Tears ran down the mans face, as he stammered in relief: “Tha…thats RATMAN! He finally came! I only heard rumours, but they are true! People said he was going to end hunger, and bring us affordable RAT as far as the eye can see! It’s really happening!”
In the following weeks, RATMAN held true to his word, and brought thousands of RAT to Katoa, selling at just above MM, bringing down the price and ending world hunger on Katoa, dropping his MOARs (Mother of all Rations) one ship at a time.
[brought to you by Slomes Ads Dept.]